What a wild ride this year was! My daughter grew from a tiny baby into a toddler, I had to change jobs unexpectedly, I traveled back to China for the first time in 4 years, and much more. While in 2022 I felt like the world was still recovering from the pandemic hangover, by the beginning of 2023 everything was in full swing and things were all but back to normal. This meant that work was super busy for me, including running 17 events around the region in the first half of the year. All my normal gym training was also back to full speed, and there were plenty of team dinners and other social engagements. Becoming a father has been the most important thing to ever happen to me, and I can definitely say I love being a dad and can’t wait to experience my little girl growing up. All-in-all 2023 was a great year, but there were plenty of ups and downs, as well as unexpected issues to deal with. Everything seems more important after having a kid, which is why I thought it is a good time to reflect and look back on the lessons life taught me over the last year.
- Not everyone is a true friend, and we should be grateful for those who are
I heard something recently that really resonated with what I learned this year, and I wish I heard it earlier, it would have saved me a lot of social anxiety. It was something like “People don’t really care about you that much, everyone is the main character in their own story, and when you aren’t in the scene you aren’t thought about.” And while that may sound bleak, but it’s really true. Thinking about it for myself, there are thousands of people who I’ve crossed paths with, and even gotten to know well, but when life stops putting us in the same place at the same time, it’s easy to have them drift away and not really be thought about often.
The way this came into play for me this year was when I was going through some challenges and had the opportunity to be supported by colleagues and friends. There were many people who offered words of support, but only a portion of those went beyond that, where that was going out for coffee, lending a sympathetic ear, or other helpful actions. I don’t blame the people who stopped after the first words of support, I’ve done it myself countless times. But it did drive home how much I should appreciate those people in my life who were generous and care enough about me to go above and beyond. - Always be ready for unexpected changes and challenges at work
I’ve had many unexpected changes during my career, new bosses, company getting aquired, changes of team structure, being put on a project in another country, and much more. Going through another huge change and challenge this year re-emphasized to me how much I need to take ownership of my career and professional journey. I need to know what I’m good at, what I want to do next, what I bring to the table, and essentially look at my career as a business I’m in charge of running. This is more than just having an updated resume, it means using each job as a stepping stone to grow your skillset and experience, so you’re ready for the next step up. - Be grateful for where you’re at and how far you’ve come
Having had a chance to really reflect and take stock of where I’m at in my career and reassess how I got here. I realized I should be grateful and proud of where I’m at today. A lot of hard work has gone into it, but a lot of lucky breaks and great colleagues, bosses, and mentors have helped along the way. Without the people who gave me a chance, advocated for me, led by example, gave me exposure, and believed in me, I wouldn’t be here. I feel more confident in my skills and experience than at any point in my career, and while that’s a nice feeling to have, I’m sure the next bout of imposter syndrome will come soon; or at least it should if I keep pushing myself.
But I think too often we get caught up in the next goal, career progression, promotion, or whatever. And we forget to be grateful for how far we’ve come. This week I’ve been listening to more sports shows than usual after an amazing Seahawks win on Monday Night Football, and when talking about another team someone said “If you’d told this team at the beginning of the year they’d have 10 wins at this point in the season, everyone would have taken it, no questions asked.” I think the same can be said for me and many of us about our life journey. If someone had told me when I was 10, “By 2023 you’re going to have a beautiful wife and daughter, be living abroad, having a fufilling career that pays your bills, and be healthy and enjoy going to the gym.” I also would have taken it, no questions asked. - Being a family is on a different level after having a kid
Everyone knows this, but I didn’t realize how much I would really feel it until it happened to me. It would be a lie to say that as soon as my daughter was born I was instantly a better, more responsible person. But it was more like putting on a new pair of glasses and seeing everything in a different light. Each decision I make has more weight, as much as I love my wife, it feels different when you are completely responsible for someone who can’t do anything for themselves. From the time she came home from the hospital until now, I have taken care of my daughter almost every night. While at the beginning that meant holding her to sleep for many hours and feeding her two or three times and now it is much easier since she is a great sleeper, I have treasured this one-on-one time with her and feel it has created a great bond between us.
I also feel much more connection with my wife than ever before, and having a kid feels like a more important milestone than getting married was. Getting married was just words, but now there is a little human connecting us. It has strengthened our relationship and made both of us more conscious of our behavior and the example we are setting for our child. It’s cliche, and true for all good parents, but it has really changed how I prioritize my life, and putting my daughter’s needs before my own has helped me grow as a person. - You owe it to yourself to take care of your physical and mental health
Last year I had a lot of “self-care” firsts, a shoulder injury from jiujitsu sent me to a physio for several months, I tried therapy for the first time, I was able to do semi-regular cold-plunges and sauna, I got back into yoga, and I had a lot of massage, cupping, and acupuncture for various aches and pains. First, I realized I’m getting old. Recovery takes longer and I have to make a deliberate effort to manage my training volume and intensity. I remember one day when I had a physio session followed by talking to my therapist; the thought came into my head that I felt like a race car being serviced by different mechanics, one for the engine, another for the tires etc. And it made me think that it isn’t weak to allow people who understand more about the body or mind, to help you get yours in shape. We rely on experts to learn sports, fix things in our house, and cook us meals, but at least for me, there was still some taboo or reluctance to get help for myself from others. I’m glad I started to overcome this hurdle in 2023.
Overall 2023 was just the first step in the journey of being a parent, a small speedbump overcame in my career, and another year of growing and learning as a person. While the lessons I’ve listed here are nothing ground-breaking and I’ve heard them all before, they were really demonstrated in a personal way in my life this year. Sometimes even the wisest advice doesn’t make an impact until you live through it yourself. I’m looking forward to another great year in 2024 and I hope you have learned your own lessons this year and get a fresh start in the new year!